tatterdemalion

Photo: 90-mile ride, 7-mile run, 11:00am, 75 degrees, Linn County, Iowa

Weekly activity log:
Swim: 4,100 yds (ytd 133,300 yds.)
Bike: 175 miles (ytd 2,977 mi.)
Run: 35 miles (ytd 717 mi.)

To whom it may concern... here’s the deal:

1-No one cares that you’re into this endurance thing...

Your friends don’t want to hear about your workouts; your co-workers don’t give a rip about your last race; and your neighbors think you rode your bike to the grocery store, not to the next state. You’re going to have to find something else to talk about that's interesting to them. Stop tweeting about your latest chainring. You’re selfish and it’s time to knock it off. Think I’m wrong? Ask anyone about your most recent race. I can all but guarantee they won’t know the name of the event, the distance(s), your time or your placing. All they heard was, “I blah, blah, blah.”

2-Your family has had it with you…

They’re not proud of that shrine of medals and race numbers you’ve built for yourself in the basement. It’s “more crap” - just talk to my wife. Your partner is sick of the workouts, the post-workout social media updates, the laundry and the pill bottles. Your kids just want someone to push them on a swing. Find something else to talk about on date night. Instead of reading the latest issue of your favorite endurance magazine, read aloud your children’s favorite book. You may even like it and want to read another. Skip the ice bath and walk the dog – you’ll both benefit from it.

3-Those drivers that pass…

They’re not jealous of your tan or your bicycle or your wattage. They just want to get where they’re going, fast. You’re in the way. Get over to the right and hope for the best. They, like the individuals in #1 and #2, don’t care.

4-Speaking of your bike…

It’s your pride and joy, slammed with all the tricks of the trade the marketers successfully jammed down your throat. Funny thing is, that rig hasn’t made you any faster. You see, training on your race bike with your race wheels in your race kit has made you lazy. You’re better off training alone on that piece of sh#$ collecting dust in the garage. Remember how hard it used to make you work?

5-While I have you…

Feel free to peel off the race numbers from your bike and helmet. And wash the numbers off your shoulders and legs. The race ended Sunday. It’s okay to wear jeans, real shoes and a shirt that has buttons when you go out for dinner.

6-When you see a fellow cyclist or runner…

It’s okay to give a nod or a wave or even a ‘Hi.’ It’s training, not racing and we’re all in this together. If you put your head down and just keep hammering, I’m gonna think you’re a jerk, just like the drivers in #3.

7-Those guys and gals who are faster than you…

They work harder, really they do. Your ‘epic’ is their ho-hum. They eat better than you, too. They lift weights, they stretch, they get massages, they do yoga. Want to get faster? Work harder, eat better, cut the crap. Instead of talking the talk, work the work.

8-“It’s cold, rainy and windy…”

So?

9-The lousy race you had…

No one cares and no one wants to hear the excuses. Admit to yourself that you sucked and move on.

10-That great race you had…

No one cares. Get over yourself and see if you can do it again. You’re only as good as your next race.