tatterdemalion

Photo: 3-mile run, 8:00 am, 40 degrees, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Weekly activity log:
Swim: 2,800 yds (ytd 233,300 yds.)
Bike: 61 miles (ytd 5,222 mi.)
Run: 17 miles (ytd 1,253 mi.)

In response to the seasonal rash of how-to articles detailing 10 tips to avoid gaining weight over the holidays, I've opted to pen my own:

DON'T FEED YOUR PIEHOLE LIKE AN IOWA CORN-FED PIG AT THE TROUGH! I live in Iowa. I've seen pigs eat. It isn't pretty... shoving their filthy faces in the slop. Grunting, snorting and making, well, pigs of themselves. Piglets are cute. Pigs are not. They're fat... really fat. Obese. They're bred to eat A LOT and then die at the slaughterhouse.

Don't want to gain weight? Maybe even lose a few pounds? Eat like a human. Take respectable helpings of food that's good for you. Chew. Chew some more. Wash it down with glass after glass of water. Carry on a conversation in between bites. Tell a joke. Sing a holiday carol. When you're finished, get out the door and play with your kids or the neighbors' kids or any kids or just act like a kid, or take the dog and yourself for a walk, run or ride.

Looking for nine more tips? You don't need them. It's not that difficult. Can't do it? What are you, a pig?